POETRY BY JHENÉ AIKO #jheneaiko #FORMYBROTHER #DEARBROTHER #poetrybyjheneaiko #eternalsunshine #inspiration #entrepreneur #beauty #success #paris #follow #fashion #Goals #Marketing #Director #Luxury #MUA #tumblr
DEAR BROTHER ….
July 19, 2012…
we were dying together.
why did I stay?
why did you go?
My Big Brother…
Has it really been that long?
Since we shared our ideas,
and sang our favorite songs ?
how do you feel now?
where did you go?
was it really necessary that i lose you,
in order to grow?
well, what about our plans?
and who’s gonna make me laugh ?
i wasted so many days looking for love that i already had.
Now i’m looking for a brother’s love,
in every single man .
I didn’t want to leave you
rather it me than you
in that bed
tube in head
staring at the corner of the room…
the same room we grew up in .
sleepovers , playing mortal combat
or street fighter…
i always got the two confused .
you would let me play , and claim i was winning….
but the controller wouldn’t be on.
i figured it out one day …
there use to be two doors in that room.
one led to the front of the house,
the other to the kitchen…
our younger cousins will never know about that second door.
we always said that Grandma Essie’s house was a special place.
and you got to spend your last days there.
you are the lucky one.
I always left you alone.
we should have been together more often when it was just the two of us downstairs…
but we had our own friends…
and I was always with my boyfriend,
but you were always my best friend…
i just thought we’d have more time .
I thought that it would turn around.
i miss you most days.
some days I feel more close to you than ever.
the summer isn’t the summer without my brother….
we should be at Venice beach…
or the observatory ,
walking to Puerto Nuevo for nachos,
or 7/11 for slurpees,
there’s a swimming pool where i stay now,
i wish i could invite you over.
are you everywhere now?
or no where?
if you send for me,
i will go there.
im alone here.
can you feel my kisses on your picture ?
i can see you still,
running up the hill with your afro and basketball…
somehow you always missed the bus and i made it .
i always told the driver to wait for you …
he did a few times.
most times he did not .
do you hear these thoughts?
where are you?
I left my joy and any sense of hope in San Francisco .
a year ago today …
when they called us and told us that you had went your way .
you waited for us to leave,
so that we weren’t there to see.
screaming, crying …. pulling over on the side of the freeway.
i could of ran in that traffic right then and there.
but i froze.
we should have never left you
to come here…
to the place your favorite football team plays .
to the place where your uncle was dying of the same disease.
they put your ear to the phone and Miyoko told you we were coming home.
did you hear her?
we couldn’t catch a flight
so we drove.
the longest drive of our lives.
i could not close my eyes until i saw you
until i saw that it was true .
early morning we arrived…
through the side gate,
through the back door,
through the kitchen we used to make specialized coffee drinks before there was a a such thing as Starbucks,
through the living room where we use to build tents out of blankets and couches ,
where we watched Dave Chapelles first stand up special together and declared him our favorite comedian,
to the front room
where you were.
so peaceful .
i held my breath waiting to see you take another,
but you did not…
where did you go?
do i really have to grow up without you?
am I really alive without you?
are you in the stars?
is there a God?
do you walk with him?
is he a she?
is she in me?
will we ever talk again?
is it strange that I cant wait to meet my fate , just to see your face again?
Miyagi Ayo Hasani Chilombo .
i love you to infinity .
- your baby sister